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I just received an email from Delta Air Lines, that begins as follows:

Dear Kevin Ashworth,
We are trying to contact you because our flight has cancelled. We have rebooked you on the best available flight and we’ll keep trying to reach you by phone.

What’s wrong with this? Doesn’t one syntax thing jump out at you immediately? My inner grammar cop says this is wrong. Maybe it’s just industry jargon. Maybe they’re British. I mean, let’s talk about how many l’s this word has. Or maybe it’s just plain wrong!

Cancel is a transitive verb, meaning it requires a subject and an object, no matter how it’s spelled (one l in America). My flight has canceled? Not so much. Something canceled my flight. What or who could that something be?

An open letter to James C. Taylor, host of Theatre Talk on KCRW:

Dear Mr. Taylor,

Your insight and coverage are commendable. I listen regularly for valuable commentary on the American theater. There is one important thing you should know about the English language, however. The phrase “Theatre Talk” has four syllables when spoken aloud.

Respectfully,

Kevin Ashworth

During the 7:00 AM hike this morning with @actingkeith et al., there two German women, Natasha and Tanya. Since I couldn’t even remember the German word for “because,” I have decided to visit the LAPL for language CDs. Ich sprechen muß!

She sits and shines shoes, and when she sits she shines all day.

Several years ago, my friends Doug and Sarah introduced me to The Setters of Catan. With beginner’s luck, I won that night. I played it many times in Boston after that, and also with my family. I’m pretty good, but usually don’t win. So many times I’m one card, one roll, one thingy — just “this much” — from victory. Good times!

It’s been popular amongst board-games people for a while. (My people are board-games people.) Now it’s really taken off, according to this article in Wired. If you’ve played “Catan,” you’ll enjoy the article.

The real question on my mind is not addressed in this article: How do you pronounce “settlers”?

The dictionary allows two pronunciations (settler |ˈsetl-ər; ˈsetlər|), but if you use the second pronunciation and are one of those people that have a very strong glottal stop between the two syllables, you are a rube and I will take you down, bitch!

I was standing on the street this morning as the delivery guy stocked up one of those little newspaper containers ¹ on the sidewalk. I saw it was The Onion, so I grabbed a copy and found a funny thing I read therein that I just gotta share, what with me being from Boston and also familiar with Shakespeare.

There’s an article about Stephon Marbury being new to the Celtics and engaging in a “Shakespearean intrigue” with the big trio of Garnett, Pierce and Allen. Shakespearean in language more than plot. I think it’s hilarious to imagine these guys going at it in iambic pentameter. Check out the soliloquy:

“I shall of these three fools now make my purse,” Marbury was heard to say after the game, although he appeared to be addressing no one and perhaps spoke only to himself. “These stars are of a free and open nature, / And think men honest that but seem to be so, / And will as tenderly be led by the nose / As asses are.”

Just read the whole thing. Thanks again, Onion. You brighten my day frequently with your fake news. Plus, your crosswords are excellent.

There’s a very successful voiceover guy out there who consistently and egregiously mispronounces the word authentic. He says, more or less, “uhthentic.” It’s pretty horrible.

This raises some questions:

1. Where is he from? Ans: Possibly Chicago.
1a. If indeed Chicago: Do lots of Chicagoans misspeak thus?
2. If a major talent can butcher the language, does this bode well for lowly me, who must also butcher certain sounds due to my sheltered upbringing?
2a. If yes: Why don’t I feel better about this?
2b. If no: Is that because my regionalisms don’t count as much because I come from a place that’s less populated?

In all, I really don’t care about these Q’s & A’s as much as I want him to stop mispronouncing that word on his prominent web site slash podcast thingies. Et’s pritty harrible.