1. Sounds too good to be true.
2. Pressures you to act “right away.”
3. Guarantees success.
4. Promises unusually high returns.
5. Requires an upfront investment — even for a “free” prize.
6. Buyers want to overpay you for an item and have you send them the difference.
7. Doesn’t have the look of a real business.
8. Something just doesn’t feel right.

Now, the sixth item on this list is such an enormous red flag, that even actors don’t fall for it. Otherwise, the other 7 are commonly seen in actor-related services, and more particularly in the promotional materials actors receive. In fact, I’d dare say that a good 3 out of 8 warning signs can be found in a majority of emails that are sent to actors to promote actor-related services in this town.

Fraud, fear and falsehood. Ponder these things, dear actor, ponder.

“Cinema is the most beautiful fraud in the world.”
—Jean-Luc Godard

I celebrated several hours, sporting a couple of bow ties throughout the day, posting a pic or two on the Twitter. In case you missed the bow-tie fun, here are two pictures of my ties, plus a Tweet from @kelseylink and one from @kayemjay6.

Well. All we need to do is follow San Francisco’s lead, but from Ban Billboard Blight we learn that it’s been 2 years and 17 days since it came up in LA City Council. See Mobile Billboards: Bringing More Air Pollution, Traffic Congestion, Parking Problems.

Let us pray for progress. In addition to problems of pollution and other inefficiencies, there’s the visual vexation of blight. I moved here from Boston and the better aesthetics of driving around most larger streets there is something I haven’t forgotten yet.

Spanky McFarland used to be the closest star to my pad. His star is at the very western end of the Walk, where La Brea Ave and the north side of Hollywood Blvd meet. Now Franklin Pangborn is closest to me, as his star is at on the east side of Vine St at Sunset Blvd. Both faces I know fondly, but the latter’s name is less well known — unless you love Preston Sturges movies. You watch Preston Sturges movies, you love them. This is a simple, reliable formula (with the exception of The Great Moment, which is a yawner, despite dealing with a worthy, historical subject).

While Franklin Pangborn also did multiple Jack Benny films and multiple W.C. Fields films, I think Sturges withstands the test of time better. So if you happen to be wanting to watch some great old movies, let me recommend the following Preston Sturges films that have Franklin Pangborn in them: Sullivan’s Travels, Hail the Conquering Hero, Christmas in July. These are not Sturges’s best three, but they’re good, and better than The Great Moment, which also happens to have Franklin Pangborn in it. The one film on this list of 3 that I need to watch again, and have been wanting to watch for months now even since a friend said I remind her of Joel McCrea, is Sullivan’s Travels. Off to the library to rent me a DVD!

Anyway, Al has a keyless entry thing. If my fob is on my person, I can get in or open the trunk or start the car, just by pushing a button. You cannot. The button is just sitting there, but if you walk up to it and push it, nothing happens. If I walk up to it and push it, I’m in. You push it, you are zapped dead.

I feel like a member of a secret society! And yes, I just said, “If my fob is on my person.”

A few observations:

1. It’s been pretty damn hot this week. Much sweating, much swearing.
2. I’m glad I had a free 5-day pass, one that they give out pretty liberally to people new to town.
3. Boardings: subway, 2; bus, 17.
4. Walking: too much given No. 1 above. But it’s good for me, so no biggie.
5. Rides mooched: 1.
6. Meetings late to: 1. Meetings missed: 2.

It’s the last one that’s the killer. And ultimately unacceptable. You have to allot too much time for early or late buses, is what it comes down to. And sometimes you have to wait in full sun. And those GD motorcycle drivers are such D-bags. And you have to pay close attention the entire time you’re waiting for a bus, keeping an eye for the next bus; those MFers will drive right past you otherwise. It’s just not right.

Sure, some routes are easy-peasy, maybe even easier than riding a car, especially if it involves only the subway, but the pricing scheme in LA is too steep — transfers are not free! Too steep except for long-term passes, so the system discourages casual use. Another huge problem. If I could change the world….

I was carless a few days right before I got Saabie Saab and the world has changed since then in one important way: Google Maps for iPhone now has excellent public-transportation options for Los Angeles. I used it more than once today. I’ll use it again tomorrow. The next car is a few days away still, so until then I am (a) Greener Than Thou and (b) grateful for Google.

In a previous life, when I lived in San Diego and worked for Hewlett-Packard in the northern reaches of that endless city, my work address was Rancho Bernardo Road. Again with the n-a-r-d. Some people, as I understand it, are fond of the name Bernardo for various literary reasons. “Pshaw!” I say. It’s hideous, absolutely hid-jus, at least when you are introduced to it by the street namers of San Diego. An horrifying proliferation of Bernardo’s exists there. Look it up on Google maps: West Bernardo Drive, Bernardo Center Drive, Rancho Bernardo Road, Bernardo Court, Bernardo Heights Parkway, and on and on. Enough with the nards!

Thanks for listening. May your Labor Day be nard-free.

Hikes in the hills — a regular thing in my life these days — are tough, tough, tough. But a stroll on the beach after dark is in store this weekend. Excellent for this weather. Excellent.

We rented one (1) tandem bicycle and one (1) trike. No normal bikes for us as we cruised the beach path, culminating with a pelican encounter at the Venice pier. Jared and I tried to imitate the pelican, but Kristie was very scared of it. Good times!

See a couple dozen pix here: MobileMe Gallery: Beach Ride.

Oh look, we’ve become the hellish future portrayed by Phillip K. Dick, author of the book Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, which 27 years ago was the basis for the movie Blade Runner. Dick is turning over in his grave, and crazy replicants like Sean Young the actress not Sean Young’s character may as well be on the loose all over this town. Run, people, run!

That experience was on my mind as I pulled into the lot of the Starbucks in Los Feliz a few hours later. I took the back way, and was pleased with myself for knowing where that alley led, but the one empty spot was next to an atrociously parked Prius. I’m having a good day, so it set me off only just a little. The owner was coming out just as I was exiting my car and she immediately fessed up to a bad parking job. This is the right behavior to make me not care any more. I made a joke back to her, it’s all good, I’m on my way. And then I looked a second time, as she seemed familiar. “I know you, don’t I?” Now, besides fessing up to her bad parking, she also didn’t pretend to be nobody. Two for two. (Two for three, I should say. She missed one point for the crappy parking job.) A little conversation ensued with Annabelle Gurwitch. You remember her from “Dinner and a Movie” on TBS. I remember her from a podcast on Fired! that I listened to a few months ago.

I’m not used to having conversations with people I recognize, but that’s two days in a row. (Yesterday’s will remain un-blogged.) Conversations are not always appropriate, but they’re better than “I love [insert favorite show here]!” Annabelle and I agreed that times are tough. She’s into writing exclusively these days, so even though the timing is better than ever to revive Fired!, it ain’t gonna happen. Too busy writing to revive Fired! … or to park well, wink wink. And when I said I was an actor, she said gloomily, “How’s that going?” Since I’m still on the six-month upbeat kick, I was all “Great!” … but eventually I did agree that the numbers are not good. No worries, though. I feel better about life because of all the savings I have in the stock market.

In brief: it was nice chatting, Annabelle!

When I came out of the Starbucks, her small grey Prius that had been parked at a horrible angle was gone. In its place was a small yellow Honda Fit — parked at a horrible angle. Aargh! You small-car drivers need to learn to park!

First of all, let me say that I believe in stairs. I take the stairs whenever I can, and I go for walks. When I’m weak, I take the escalator walking. Taking stairs over taking the elevator is one of the keys to health that merits greater promotion: I secretly suspect that if Americans started doing this as they went about their business, it would provide greater health benefit than, say, free gym memberships to everybody over 30. I can just feel our collective BMI dropping a point or two.

Anyway, I observed that 105 steps in a row turns into a mental thing. It can mess you up — especially if you’re thinking about it! Try it. Walking a long, straight staircase and counting or marking rhythm is a fascinating mental exercise in concentration — or the lack thereof! I recommend the mental experiment next time you’re near Temple & Hill in downtown LA.

(Google Maps link to satellite view of the opening of this subway entrance.)

Yesterday, at the Getty Center I didn’t look at all at the art contained within the museum, but at the art of the museum: architecture designed by Richard Meier. (Observe to the right my self-portrait in shadow on Meier.) The building, the view, the gardens — all wonderful. Of note, this is the time of year to go the Getty if you want to experience sunset there. And you do want to experience sunset there. Sunset from a view above the ocean is good anhwhere, of course, but here the setting sun brings out new angles and details of Meier’s work. Go now, before summer comes and they kick you out well before the sun goes down.

Today’s outing to LACMA was free, thanks to Target, and I didn’t take a camera — it was more of a “be here now” moment not taking the camera. Highlights included Smoke by Tony Smith, Edward Steichen photos, Picasso paintings, and Brancusi adnd Giocametti statues. I post here a coupla gems from Steichen: Gloria Swanson and Louise Brooks. Years ago I learned about Steichen from my friend Matt. Thanks, Matt!

Now it’s gotten worse, with tenants’ lives put at risk in case of fire. Emergency exits are blocked by enormous vinyl ads. These aren’t exactly billboards, but they are wrong! The LA Times has finally spoken up, with a clear, concise editorial urging the mayor to act now. Heed them, Mr. Villaraigosa. It’s a question of good and evil. It’s one important and obvious way to make this city better — and better looking.