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Okay, this time there is exactly one Google search result for “the three hipster sisters” — isn’t there some sort of internets prize for that?

Anyway, in what has suddenly become a brilliant, scintillating, continuing series of opening lines of hipster versions of Chekhov, I offer a first line to The Three Sisters, as heard in Silver Lake.

OLGA. It’s exactly a year ago that Father died, isn’t it? More cowbell.

At this moment in time (just after midnight, very early on June 24), if you search for the phrase “The Hipster Seagull” on Google, you get «No results found for "the hipster seagull"» and some alternative results, including something about Utah’s ironic hipsters now being outnumbered by Utah’s pretentious hipsters.

Wha?!?! You say there’s no hipster version of The Seagull? Dammit, there ought to be a hipster edition of Chekhov’s classic play! Hmmm. How would it start?

HOPPER. Mamie, why do you always wear black ironic tees?
MAMIE. I am in mourning for my lifestyle.

Feel free to add to this scintillating re-work. Please add brilliant Chekhovian dialog as it might be heard in Williamsburg or Silver Lake. Watch out, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies!