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I was standing on the street this morning as the delivery guy stocked up one of those little newspaper containers ¹ on the sidewalk. I saw it was The Onion, so I grabbed a copy and found a funny thing I read therein that I just gotta share, what with me being from Boston and also familiar with Shakespeare.

There’s an article about Stephon Marbury being new to the Celtics and engaging in a “Shakespearean intrigue” with the big trio of Garnett, Pierce and Allen. Shakespearean in language more than plot. I think it’s hilarious to imagine these guys going at it in iambic pentameter. Check out the soliloquy:

“I shall of these three fools now make my purse,” Marbury was heard to say after the game, although he appeared to be addressing no one and perhaps spoke only to himself. “These stars are of a free and open nature, / And think men honest that but seem to be so, / And will as tenderly be led by the nose / As asses are.”

Just read the whole thing. Thanks again, Onion. You brighten my day frequently with your fake news. Plus, your crosswords are excellent.